| Author | Message | ||
| Gray Squirrel
New member Username: graysqrl Post Number: 100 Registered: 11-2003 |
Passion Interrupted Black nights were made for the solace of dreams, Use this unwanted incanted desire, take this slave, Take me into your shielded thoughts, your reluctant arms. You are the light letting go, that star, no less, Overwhelming all placid and useless emptiness, Use that supernatural soul of yours, into mine. Dark like two hearts buried deep in our chests, Old like our hands wrapped in skin, Naked like sorrow waged willingly wept, Touched, then reaching within. Dear idea of you, golden, with blood red gem, Red like the rage of frustration unspent, Err to be human, humanity's lover, my sin. Are you answering this, do you hear this, and see? My prayer with more power than one should take, Oppressing the boundaries of fate's disrespect. Fate, finding fear when startled awake, Mocks all hope still unkept, forcing into Early morning, newly dressed in your haunting. -Gray Squirrel | ||
| Supafly
New member Username: supafly Post Number: 74 Registered: 11-2003 |
3rd stanza and the line "Err to be human..." really caught my attention. Interesting work. | ||
| cosima
Valued Member Username: cosima Post Number: 325 Registered: 12-2003 |
ohh~ still reading ~ ohhhhhh oh ohhhh oh ~* | ||
| E V Brooks
Intermediate Member Username: lia Post Number: 1099 Registered: 12-2003 |
Stunning work Gray. This is the first time I've read a longer poem of yours... amazed by your control over words and movement. These are very well done (just to pick two of many) 'Old like our hands wrapped in skin,' 'Dear idea of you, golden, with blood red gem, Red like the rage of frustration unspent, Err to be human, humanity's lover, my sin.' (with 3rd stanza-- curious why you wanted 4 lines?) Thank you for this. lia | ||
| Gray Squirrel
Member Username: graysqrl Post Number: 101 Registered: 11-2003 |
Lia... ummm... it's an acrostic... and I just didn't know what else to do with the 19 letter phrase but to leave 4 lines somewhere... I chose there prior to writing any of the poem... I like to write acrostics, because they more or less write themselves... Thanks for the replies... I've received *some* negative feedback for this and other recent poems (in other forums) so I appreciate the encouragement even more. | ||
| E V Brooks
Intermediate Member Username: lia Post Number: 1101 Registered: 12-2003 |
Gray, yes I see it warrants the 4 lines, and see what you wanted to achieve. I'm not sure myself.. but should there be one more syllable in the last line of that stanza?Touching maybe, or another word.. to keep the rhythm? Not sure how you could receive negative feedback on this Gray.. it's very well done, and your HM this week. Lia | ||
| cosima
Valued Member Username: cosima Post Number: 326 Registered: 12-2003 |
love this beauty, but don't understand it entirely, can't find the acrosti line pattern. ohm, just me being, exhausted - just to much to deal with in my life this week to think)but I wanted to say how very beautiful it is- the -poem breath- scent- aura- the waft part is the part I most love in this one, hmm- I mean the part that wafts up- like a sleepers dream body wafts out free-. toatality of the poem. The fresh new haunt hunt- and color of passion, I like the err to be human- understand that.To err is to be human, to forgive divine. Angels who want to be human must err.And I like nbaked like sorrow willing ly waged willingly wept- sometimes can't believe someone wrote something that feels so close and aomeone felt so too, and so on. incanted desire- a waft from genie lamp decanted to freely drift- decant- cadant decadent- cadance- incant- cantor well anyway... incanted desire- seems a wanted rather than unwanted- and hard to imagine reluctantance being.. ummm- truly a rare beauty you have captured. Perhaps, or rather I am syre to understand it better when I feel better- so beautifuly written- OH - never noticed until this poem- about sin- sin cere. ~thanks for the pleasures of reading you. ~* c. love the last line(s)!~* | ||
| Gray Squirrel
Member Username: graysqrl Post Number: 102 Registered: 11-2003 |
cosi- you always try to say more than anyone I've ever known... overly rapid but delicate (and I MUST say I mean "overly" in a NON-negative way... I love "overly".) ...reading your work, (and your comments, like here) is like tasting a rare home-made truffle so wonderfully fresh with flavor that you can't keep your eyes open. later I regret I may have said (or praised?) too much, that I can't back it up? Anyway... but I love this feeling now, I love your brilliant expression... Thank you... I was so disappointed in the world just moments ago... until I read your comments, divine, yes. | ||
| cosima
Valued Member Username: cosima Post Number: 346 Registered: 12-2003 |
"but you don't dream of me"... found it at last. But I am sure she did- I did all the time- and sure she did-=- doez more.. | ||
| Gray Squirrel
Advanced Member Username: graysqrl Post Number: 132 Registered: 11-2003 |
No, I don't think she ever did... | ||
| Emusing
Moderator Username: emusing Post Number: 1253 Registered: 08-2003 |
Gray this is wonderful. I liked Lia's pick and also: "You are the light letting go, that star, no less, Overwhelming all placid and useless emptiness," There is more message here than can be consummed in one sitting. E | ||
| cosima
Intermediate Member Username: cosima Post Number: 382 Registered: 12-2003 |
tried send 2 emails- suspect they- poofed- shall en devour~~~love |
